Technology Will Bite You

Looking at the time many of these Blogs were posted, one can see I am frequently up in the middle of night pounding the  heck out of my HP Laptop.  What happens is, I go to bed and I something will wake me.  Most often it is from shoulder pain.  One shoulder has been rebuilt and still hurts from the surgery last summer, the other hurts because it needs to be rebuilt.  We live in the heart of the Denver University neighborhood.  Many times I wake up to sound of young people laughing, drinking, goofing around, not realizing--or caring for that matter, that everyone is not awake as they are.  Several times recently I have been woken by the pungent smell  of a dog fart.  I don't know what is going on with our precious little pup but paint peels off the woodwork when she passes gas!  If the EPA gets wind of one of her episodes, our Lab will likely be arrested for exceeding the legal limit of sulphur dioxide, or whatever a dog fart is composed of, leaking into the atmosphere.

I am up tonight because my iPhone4, yes the one I have professed my love for, beeped at midnight to alert me that Valentines Day is in 2 days!  I know it is!  Why is is beeping me now?  It is beeping because like some damn fool I programmed my Google Calendar to remind me that Valentines Day is coming. Its my own fault!  I didn't know it would do it at midnight; give me a break!

Technology can be wearisome.  I knew back in the 1980s we were in trouble.  Chrysler had cars that would talk to you.  They quit doing that a short time after a few people set their cars ablaze or had them stolen following the nagging, ex-wife sounding voice, told you were low on fuel 12 times in 8 miles.  My wife actually got into an argument with the British accented female on our GPS during a resent out of state trek!  "She doesn't know what she is talking about, where is the damn map--we're going the wrong way!"  I got out the map and the little sweety from the UK was CORRECT!  Now the Brit and my wife are at odds for the entire length of our road trip!

Technology will bite you in the ass--literally!  Electronic flushing toilets. I am not the first to go off about this less than thought out creation; many a comic can do ten minutes of stand up routine on these damn devices.  Think about the insanity here.  Electric + Water + Naked Butt = DisASSter.  Half of the ones we have at work have been converted back to manual flush; their little electronic brains were toast after 10,000 flushes.  Now as a guy, I can stand up, most of the time--yes the urinals can be electric as well; however when the occasion is such, and Airports are the worst, these satanic devises may "pre-flush."  You have noticed the little red light on the wall, about where a flush handle would be if there was one; the light is watching you--check out the slow to rapid blinking as you near it?  The sensor should do its "electric flush" after you stand up and are re-clothed, heading out of the stall--at least that is what should happen.  If the sensor, red light thingies are not set up correctly, you get a "pre-flush!"  Just lean forward 2 inches on an airport potty--WHHSSSS--you are suddenly sitting on a combo potty-bidet!  You just got an ice cold butt wash--and you didn't want one!  What about the plumber setting one of these damn things up?  How does he adjust the sensitivity?  Does he pull his pants down and up again on each test?  Oh; urinals will pre-flush as well.  As you are standing there, trying to wrap things up, should you lean back to stare at the ceiling--WHHSSSS--your kakis' now have a two-tone leopard spot pattern.  STOP, don't forget to use the electric paper towel dispenser after you wash your hands under the electric, the temperature is whatever you get, faucet!

Back to bed for me.  I hope I can sleep until 7 or 8; it is now Saturday and I have the day off!